I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
