So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
