i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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