Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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