After last night, I could never be a politician.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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