A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
