So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this just has baby written all over it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
