So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
