The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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