brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
