Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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