Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
