tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
