I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
