just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
