Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
