i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
