and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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