tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
