i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
