my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
