Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
