Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
