Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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