Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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