I hate your face
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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