Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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