i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
time to smoke my breakfast
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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