Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
