Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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