it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
