I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
