i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
