I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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