I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
