I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All the doctor said was why
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
