he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
