who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
