Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
