dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
