even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
PANTIES FOUND
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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