I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
