There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
