You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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