Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
