I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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