Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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