Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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