this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
