so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
