why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
