hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
