Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
