Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
whose parrot is this?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
