i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
