you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
