so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
