I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
