that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
