My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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