Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
