like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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