i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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