Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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