I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
