why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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