sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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