I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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