The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
